We're so concerned with how we are perceived that we risk losing the skill of being authentic and truthful in what we say. We're so used to seeing others fake it too, that when we feel raw honesty, we don't always know what to do with it. Sometimes we get scared of it so we point our finger and invalidate someone's authenticity, we turn away from someone's truth because it's not what we're comfortable with facing. It goes against our normal brain patterns of seeing things in pretty colors with a wrapping of humor around it and a pretty bow of sex appeal with a whiff of prestige.
It's easy to give-in to the lie - the cotton candy fairy-tale of people's self-presentations. It's easy to accept what we are shown as truth and to accept this fluorescent view of reality. If we are lazy, that's all we see because it's right in front of us. And we can close our eyes on not-so-pleasant things. But if we're not lazy, if we venture out into the unknown and decide to see behind the curtains of this performance, we can realize rather quickly how sad and ugly the truth can be and often is. We can see more than people's curated gems of info and personal life story that they choose to share with the world.
No, I get it. We're all human monkeys that want to survive, to be socially accepted, and so it's important to publicly display why we fit into society, why we should be accepted, loved and wanted. I get that, and I'm not arguing that we should deny our instincts their right to be. I'm only asking that we look beyond them into the unknown. That we accept that the truth is the 80% of the iceberg which we just don't get to see unless we dig deep and actually give a damn and get to know people under the skin. It's deep under the thin crust of what's visible on the surface that is worth looking at if we dare to know the truth. I'm just asking to stop for a moment each time we remember and to appreciate the vast world that is unknown. To put our judgments and opinions on pause and instead look the other way - the uncommon direction. Look away from our instinctual thoughts and judgments in the opposite direction of what's unlikely. To appreciate and validate the existence of the unknown. To accept our limitations in perceiving the truth. To imagine what things could really be like... Different from what we see, from what we are told and shown. Sometimes drastically opposite.
It's easier to live a lie. Not easy, but easier than to face the hard cold truth and feel it whip you in the face like a cold wet branch in the forest on a rainy night. We don't want to be vulnerable. We don't want to feel pain, nobody does. So we put on the layers of fake attributes that we neither own nor value, to create an illusion of everything being okay. Dressed warm in this, we go out into the world. And we can even be comfortable. But when we come home at night, we must undress ourselves and face the truth of who we are, the truth of our state, of the state of our life and how we truly feel. We can only pretend for so long.
If you are feeling lonely at night once you've undressed yourself from the fancy lies and beautiful disguises covering up who you are and where you're at in life, then know that you're not alone. In fact, it's where many of us are, a lot of the times. We all fake it to a degree. Some more, some less. But to be happy is to go through the cold dark forest of your inner demons and to come out the other side. To be happy is to survive meeting yourself in that forest and facing your ugliness, facing the fear of seeing your true self, coming close to the sleeping beast, waking it up and not running away when it starts to roar. To face it and instead of running away, to hear it out. To hear the sobs and the angry yells and the suppressed emotions that you weren't allowed to feel. To face it all and to say yes to it. Because human experience is not just sugar, treats and pretty things. It's also pain and work and ugly truth sometimes. It's in this utter acceptance of our humanness that we have a chance at finding a string of true beauty and divine happiness.